


Toy Story XXX: The Legend of the Fainting Goat

by andabatae



Series: One-Shots and Drabbles [6]
Category: Star Wars, Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Ben to the rescue, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fluff and Crack, Fluff and Humor and Smut, Fluff and Smut, Just kidding it's rated E obviously, Masturbation, Rated G for G-spot, Sex Toys, The Fainting Goat Vibrator - Freeform, The GOAT - Freeform, Toy Story 2: Electric Boogaloo, Vaginal Sex, You've Got a Friend With Benefits in Me, sex sex sex, the thirst order
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-11
Updated: 2019-08-11
Packaged: 2020-08-19 12:24:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20209711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/andabatae/pseuds/andabatae
Summary: Rey has been thirsting after her next door neighbor, Ben Solo, for months. In a fit of sexual frustration, she purchases a sex toy with rave reviews—never expecting that when she uses it, Ben will mistake her screams of pleasure for cries of distress and break down her door to save her...





	Toy Story XXX: The Legend of the Fainting Goat

**Author's Note:**

> This is a silly, porny one-shot based on the enthusiastic love for a certain sex toy among the Reylos in The Writing Den (link in the end notes). The review excerpts are 100% real.
> 
> I blame the Dadams for both the idea and the punny tags.
> 
> This is trash and I am trash and we are all trash together.

_ I'm pretty sure I blacked out. My legs went straight out like those goats who faint when scared. _

“Wow,” Rey breathed as she read the top-rated Amazon review for the “Clitoral Sucking Vibrator, G Spot Clit Dildo Vibrators Waterproof, Rechargeable Clitoris Stimulator with 10 Suction & Vibration Patterns Sex Toys for Women (Purple).” The product name didn’t exactly roll off the tongue, but over 1,000 5-star reviews insisted this was the Holy Grail of sex toys.

_ I shook for a good 5 minutes, I couldn't get up off the bed if I even wanted to. I stared at my ceiling dazed trying to remember who I am and what year is this. _

She scrolled to the next review.

_ This is a weapon. It cured my depression, I don’t go to therapy anymore. I was walking from side to side after I finished using this thing, you’ll feel like you just had your best dick appointment ever. _

Rey scowled. “Don’t remind me.” It had been years since she’d had _ any _ dick appointments, much less a good one. The situation Down Under was getting dire, especially since the hottest man she’d ever seen had moved into the apartment next door three months ago. Ben Solo was tall, muscular, and gorgeous, with expressive brown eyes and full lips that made her want to fall to her knees and thank every deity, past and present, for blessing the Earth with such a specimen.

Initially, Rey had wondered what she’d done to earn the privilege of seeing him multiple times a day in the hallway, but now she feared the gods might actually be punishing her. Ben Solo might be completely lickable and eminently fuckable, but he was a shy, silent type, and he’d given no indication that he viewed her as anything other than a friend. Even once she’d broken through his reserve and lured him over for weekly movie nights, he treated her like a buddy. He sat on the opposite end of the couch, ignored her attempts at flirtation, and always left the moment the movie was over.

Rey had masturbated way too many times to thoughts of Ben Solo, but it was never enough. Her fingers couldn’t do him justice, and every climax left her frustrated because she just _ knew _ it wasn’t as good as what he could give her.

If anything could give her a better orgasm than a hypothetical Ben Solo, it was the “Clitoral Sucking Vibrator, G Spot Clit Dildo Vibrators Waterproof, Rechargeable Clitoris Stimulator with 10 Suction & Vibration Patterns Sex Toys for Women (Purple).”

_ I'm dead. I died and I'm never leaving my house again. By far the best sex toy I've ever used and I've used a LOT of sex toys.  
_

Rey clicked “Buy Now.”

#

When Rey got home from work a few days later, the package was waiting for her. She squealed with excitement and ripped it open to reveal a curvy, L-shaped purple gadget. The long, bulbous end was for insertion in the vagina, and the shorter end had a hole in it that was supposed to go over the clitoris, at which point, if the reviews were to be believed, actual magic would occur.

She paced impatiently while waiting for it to charge, then decided to pour herself a glass of red wine for liquid courage. She’d never owned a sex toy before, and this one seemed extremely advanced. What if it didn’t work? What if she messed something up and ended up in the ER and had to explain to a legion of doctors exactly how she’d managed to mutilate her vagina?

Rey needed a distraction, so she decided to set the scene and make a real occasion out of it. She lit candles in her living room, put on some soft classical music, and dimmed the lights. Normally she’d masturbate in bed, but she shared a bedroom wall with Ben, and she had no idea how loud she was about to be. She doubted he would be home, since he usually worked late, but she didn’t want to mortify herself by screeching out his name in the throes of a death-defying orgasm.

Finally, it was time.

Rey stripped naked, then lay on the couch. A little lube helped insertion, and for a moment she just lay there, breathing deeply with the toy inside her. It didn’t feel like anything special just yet, but she hadn’t started pushing any buttons.

She started with the G-spot vibration button. The toy rumbled to life, and the buzzing was pleasant, but hardly ground-breaking. She revved it up a few more levels until she got to a setting that involved repeated pulsing, and okay, that was nice, but Rey wasn’t exactly about to have a fainting goat reaction.

She fumbled, trying to get the clit sucker in position. It wasn’t as easy as just turning it on and letting the toy work—there were angles to figure out, and the lowest setting of the clit sucker didn’t seem to be doing anything but making a weird thrumming noise. Rey was getting frustrated. Wasn’t this supposed to make her ascend to a higher plane of existence? Instead, she was awkwardly jamming the buzzing implement against her sensitive parts, hoping the toy would somehow take over.

Fuck it. The reviews said to start with the clit sucker on the lowest setting, but those reviewers must have super-sensitive clits, because this wasn’t having any effect on Rey. She pressed the button six times, amping it up to level seven out of nine. Surely that ought to do it.

The toy was making a racket, but the suction wasn’t quite connecting, or else Rey was just really bad at using sex toys. She huffed, then wriggled the toy around, trying to get the opening to seal over her clit. She peered down at herself, spreading her lips and maneuvering the hood of her clit down in hopes that would help.

Abruptly, the toy latched on to her clit with roughly the power of a black hole consuming a star. Rey jackknifed up with a shriek, her body spasming uncontrollably. If she could speak, she would have said “Oh, fuck!” but as it was, all she could do was scream and pant and shout the occasional “Ben” in a broken voice.

She orgasmed with jerky movements, and, to her astonishment, squirted all over the couch. But the toy was still Hoovering away like it was determined to suck her soul out of her body, and all Rey could do was cry out as her body convulsed again and again.

The blood was pounding in her ears so hard she heard it as a physical sound, like someone was banging repeatedly on her flimsy apartment door. She scrambled to turn off the toy before it actually consumed her clit, but she accidentally hit both the clit and G-spot buttons again, making the toy suck harder. Her legs shot out and shook, and she screamed in pleasure as the orgasm of a lifetime tore her apart.

Rey was crying by this point. Fuck, she needed to get this thing off her before she died from orgasm overdose.

She tugged the toy out of her vagina and chucked it across the room like she was exorcising a demon. Just then, her apartment door burst open, and an enormous man barreled through. She watched in slow-motion as the toy flew through the air and collided with the man’s forehead with a wet smack.

Ben Solo staggered back. “What the fuck?”

Oh. My. God.

Rey whimpered, unable to form words to express her mortification. Her legs were still spread wide, the fine muscles in her thighs quivering. She tried to stand, although she wasn’t sure if she wanted to flee from this horrible situation or run over and apologize, but her trembling legs gave out, and she collapsed to the floor.

Ben was there in an instant, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. “Are you all right?” His voice was panicked. “I heard screaming, I thought—”

“Unnnghhh,” Rey said, trying to shove him away and failing miserably. She shivered at the feeling of his hand on her bare skin.

There was a long pause as she knelt gasping and shaking on the floor, skin slicked with sweat, while Ben crouched next to her with his hand on her shoulder.

“Oh,” he finally said. When Rey dared to look at him, she saw the gleam of panic in his eyes. His cheeks were bright red. “You weren’t… you weren’t being attacked.”

“No,” she managed to say.

He cleared his throat. “Um. I… I heard you scream.”

“...Yup.”

Ben must have realized he was cradling a naked, post-orgasmic woman, because he abruptly released her and scrambled away. “Oh my God,” he said, averting his eyes. “I am so, so sorry, Rey. I thought you were in trouble. I knocked, but you didn’t answer, and you just kept screaming, so I kicked in the door…”

Rey moaned and crumpled up face-down in the fetal position. Apparently the pounding sound hadn’t been her heartbeat. “It was just… really intense, all right? I didn’t hear you.”

“And you shouted my name,” Ben babbled, “so I thought you were crying for help, but then you threw that—that _ thing _at me...” He trailed off, and she saw in her peripheral vision when his head snapped back towards her. “Wait a minute.”

God, this was mortifying. Rey still couldn’t move, which meant she was hunched up naked in some perverted version of Child’s Pose, quivering while Ben Solo stared at her.

“You shouted my name,” Ben repeated.

Aaaaand everything got so much worse. Rey groaned and buried her face in the carpet. She wasn’t going to respond to that.

She heard a few rustling noises, like he was moving closer, but she didn’t dare look. When his hand landed on her sweaty back, she twitched and whimpered.

“Rey.” Ben’s voice was low but commanding. “Why did you say my name?”

She wanted to cry, but apparently she’d squirted out all the moisture in her body. “No reason,” she muttered.

He gathered up her loose hair, then tugged gently to turn her head to the side. She blinked dazedly up at him. He looked so _ good_, all hot and scrumptious and intense as he knelt beside her. “Rey. Answer me. Why did you say my name?”

Rey moaned as he squeezed her hair tighter. It was all bleeding together: the pulsing between her legs, the languor in her limbs, and the mix of mortification and lust that arose at having him in such close proximity. “Because,” she finally said.

He tugged harder. “Because why?”

She licked her lips, then closed her eyes so she wouldn’t have to see his immediate rejection. “Because I want you,” she mumbled. “So bad.”

She braced herself for the sound of him stomping off in outrage at her presumptuousness, but all she heard for long moments was his ragged breathing and the rumble of the demonic toy still buzzing away in the background. Then, so quickly her head spun, she was flipped onto her back, and an enormous mountain of a man settled between her legs.

“Rey,” Ben moaned before attacking her lips with his own.

Rey cried out and opened her mouth for him, unable to believe this was actually happening. She was naked, and she’d just _ thrown a sex toy at this man’s head _ after screaming his name loud enough to make him think she was being murdered, and now he was kissing her?

She lapped at his tongue and wrapped her arms around his back, pulling him tighter against her. The press of his jeans against her hyper-sensitized clit hurt, but she rocked against him anyway, embracing the pleasure-pain. “Take these off,” she panted, yanking at his waistband.

“Fuck,” he said, pulling back. His pupils were blown wide, and his lips were red and swollen. His eyes trailed down to her bare breasts, and he swallowed hard. “I kind of… broke down your door.”

“I don’t care,” Rey said, trying to tug him back down.

He chuckled breathlessly. “I’ll get you a new one, but, uh, maybe we shouldn’t be doing this on the floor where anyone can see?”

Rey looked over and saw that, yeah, with her door half off its hinges and tilting drunkenly against the wall, anyone in the corridor could walk by and see them hooking up. “Oh. Okay. My bedroom?”

He grinned. “Perfect.”

“Except… I’m not sure I can walk.”

Ben chuckled, then rolled off her and crouched down to scoop her up in his arms. “What was that thing you threw at me, anyway? That kind of hurt.” This close, she could see the pink spot blooming on his forehead.

“Sorry. It’s the Clitoral Sucking Vibrator, G Spot… I forget the rest. The Fainting Goat Toy.”

His brow crinkled. “Huh?”

“Never mind.” She nuzzled his chest as he carried her into the bedroom. “I got it because I wanted to come so hard I forgot how much I wanted you to touch me.”

He laid her down on the sheets, then pressed a kiss to her brow. “Why did you want to forget that?”

“Because you weren’t interested in me.” Rey’s voice was still slurred from pleasure. “I kept trying to snuggle you on movie nights, but you were always so stiff and awkward. I figured I was making you uncomfortable.”

“Oh my God.” Ben kicked the bedroom door shut—thankfully with less force than he’d used on her front door—then started stripping, shoving his jeans to the floor. Rey watched the show through half-lidded eyes. “I wanted you so much, Rey. I just figured you were being friendly, and I didn’t want to subject you to my boners.”

“Boners?” She perked up at that information. “You were turned on during movie nights?”

“Rey.” He fixed her with a mock-stern glare, halfway through removing his gray Henley. “You're the sexiest woman I’ve ever met, and you wanted me to sit next to you for prolonged periods of time. Of course I had a boner.”

“Then why didn’t you react when I put my feet in your lap? Or squeezed your bicep? Or batted my lashes at you?”

Ben stripped his shirt over his head, and Rey abruptly forgot everything she’d been saying. “Holy shit,” she said, nearly swallowing her tongue. “That’s… guhhhh…”

Ben grinned at her, now clad in only a pair of tight boxer-briefs. “What is it, Rey?”

She couldn’t stop staring at his muscled torso. Dear God, did they even make pecs that big? They were practically the size of dinner plates. And his abs…

“Fucking hell, this is what was under your shirts? This was what you denied me every time I tried to cuddle you?” Rey was outraged at the injustice.

Ben laughed, then looked at the floor and pushed his hand through his hair, as if he was embarrassed. “I feel so stupid now, but I didn’t think you wanted to cuddle. I thought…” He shook his head. “I have no idea what I thought. Just… you’re so beautiful, Rey. So far out of my league.”

Rey gaped at him. “Ben Solo, you take that back this instant.”

He approached the bed, his eyes trailing over her hungrily. “Look at you,” he said, dragging a finger up her calf. Rey squirmed when he reached her inner thigh and lingered there, drawing an intricate pattern on skin that was already slick from her mind-blowing orgasms. “You’re perfect.”

Rather than touching her oversensitized pussy, he moved up to her breasts, stroking them gently before pinching both nipples. Rey gasped and arched her back. “More,” she demanded. “And lose the shorts.”

Ben grinned. “Your wish is my command.” He stripped out of the black boxer-briefs, and Rey was pretty sure a choir of angels broke into exalting song, because that was the single best dick in the entire universe. She gaped at the long, ruddy column, licking her lips as her gaze trailed over the thick cap, the veins twisting up his length, and the heavy swing of his testicles below.

Ben groaned, then cupped himself, hefting his dick in a way that told Rey the weight of it was _ substantial_. “I can’t think when you look at me like that.”

“Stop thinking,” she ordered, holding out her arms. “Come to bed and fuck me until neither of us can see straight.”

He crawled onto the bed, but rather than get straight to business, he spent long moments kissing her, his hands alternately cradling her cheeks and stroking her hair. The kiss was astoundingly sweet, considering they’d arrived at this moment via flying sex toy attack, and Rey loved it. “Wanted this for so long,” she murmured against his lips.

“Me, too.” Ben trailed his mouth down her neck to nibble at her collarbone. “Since the first day I saw you.”

Rey would have responded with a similar sentiment, but at that moment, Ben wrapped his lips around a nipple and sucked, and she ended up releasing a strangled cry instead. He rolled her other nipple between his thumb and fingers, plucking at it like a master harpist. Rey sank her fingers into his soft raven hair, combing through the strands while he nibbled, licked, and sucked his way across her chest.

“You have the prettiest breasts,” he murmured as he squeezed them. His enormous hands entirely enveloped them. “I could suck on them for hours.”

“Please don’t,” she said, nudging her crotch up against him.

He grinned up at her. “Why not? Is there something else you want?”

Rey groaned. “Ben, I’ve been horny for you for the last three months. So horny, I invested in space-age technology to get myself off. Please just fuck me already.”

He slid his fingers between her thighs. “Wow, you’re really wet.” He brushed her clit, and Rey shivered and reached down to hold his wrist. “It’s still sensitive,” she admitted. “Save that for the end. Right now, I just want you inside me.”

Ben settled his hips between her thighs, then kissed her passionately. “Do you have a condom?”

Rey nodded. “Nightstand. I stocked up in hopes I could seduce you during one of our movie nights.”

He grinned and shook his head as he reached over to retrieve a condom. “You know, if you’d just told me you were interested in me, we could have been doing this three months ago.”

“Yeah, you big hypocrite,” she rebutted. “If you’d just told me you were interested, we could have been doing this months ago.”

“Brat.” Ben bit his plush lower lip and smiled at her in a deliciously smirky way. He rolled the condom on, then settled back into position. “You ready?”

“Born ready.” Rey winced. “Wait, no, not that. Sorry, that’s… you know what, whatever. Just do it.”

Ben buried his face in her neck, his shoulders shaking with suppressed laughter.

“God, this is so romantic,” Rey said, wincing at her own awkwardness. “Starting with you kicking down the door and me chucking a sex toy at your head.”

“Hey.” Ben looked up, and he was smiling so wide it made something twist in Rey’s chest. “I like being able to laugh with you. And honestly, this _ is _ romantic. I get to be with you and talk to you and touch you, and it’s a thousand percent better than I ever imagined.”

“Oh.” The word fell softly from Rey’s lips. Right then, she realized she was probably in love with Ben Solo.

He positioned his cock between her legs, and Rey reached down to help him angle it just right. “So,” Ben said, his smile softer this time. “You ready?”

“Yes,” Rey breathed.

He started pushing in, and _God_, it was incredible. He was much thicker than the Fainting Goat Toy, and Rey gripped his back and whined at the intense stretch. It had been years since she’d had sex, and Ben was the biggest man she’d ever been with.

His forehead gleamed with sweat. “You okay?” he asked through gritted teeth as he sank in another inch.

“More,” Rey demanded, reaching down to clutch his ass. “I need all of you.”

Ben cursed, then drove the rest of the way inside. Rey tipped her head back and gasped at the sensation. She was stuffed full of him, and it was overwhelming and intense and amazing. She wrapped her legs around his waist, and Ben slid a hand under her ass to tilt her pelvis up.

Then he started to move.

“_Oh._"

He rocked into her with steady strokes, his other arm braced beside her head. Rey stared into his gorgeous honey-brown eyes, captivated by the raw feeling expressed in them. Ben was normally a private man, but his eyes projected a wealth of emotion.

“Rey.” Each roll of his hips was punctuated by a sharp shove of his cock deep inside her. “This is… Holy shit.”

“I know,” she moaned. “I feel it, too.”

This wasn’t just hot sex—something profound was building between them, born of friendship and affection and respect and need. Rey clutched his shoulders, hanging on as his thrusts grew faster and harder. The toy had primed her for him, and a sharp, tingling excitement was already growing in her lower belly. Her abs clenched as she struggled to pull him closer, and her pussy squeezed around his dick.

“Fuck, sweetheart,” he said. “You feel so good.”

“You do, too.” Rey could hardly speak, too caught up in the overwhelming race towards orgasm. She groaned loudly. “Ben, I’m gonna—”

He pulled his hand out from under her ass, which changed the angle slightly but allowed him to get a thumb on her clit. He rubbed in firm circles, and that was it; Rey was done. Her swollen, sensitive clit spasmed, and she nearly headbutted him as her body convulsed with overwhelming pleasure.

Rey gasped and moaned as the most powerful orgasm yet tore through her. “Ben!” she screamed, even louder than when she’d used the Fainting Goat Toy. She couldn’t stop convulsing and kicking for long seconds, during which Ben hammered into her even faster than before.

He groaned and said her name in a pained tone, then quaked as he found his own release. Afterwards, he collapsed on top of her, nearly knocking the breath from her.

“That was so good,” Rey managed to say. Her entire body was trembling, and she was pretty sure her soul really had left her body this time.

Ben grunted in what sounded like agreement, then pulled out to remove the condom. Rey hissed as her sensitive flesh protested the movement. She should probably strap an ice pack to her pussy to make sure she would still be able to walk in a few hours.

Ben rolled onto his side, then tugged her into his arms. “You’re amazing,” he said against her hair. “Thank you so much.”

Rey hummed. “No, thank _ you_. That was better than the toy.”

“Really?” he asked skeptically.

She shrugged. “Well, I didn’t throw anything across the room, but I did come so hard I almost forgot my own name. The toy has the advantage of a motor, but, honestly, nothing can compare to any orgasm you’re involved in.”

Ben chuckled. “In that case… I can’t wait to see what happens when I use the toy on you.”

Rey groaned. “I can’t even imagine."

This was not what she’d expected when she’d accidentally flung a sex toy at the intruder bursting through her door, but Rey couldn’t be happier.

She stiffened, abruptly realizing something. “Oh God, it’s still buzzing away out there, isn’t it? Right in front of my open door?”

“Who cares?” Ben said. “That thing is a miracle. I owe it a debt of gratitude—even if I do end up with a bruised forehead.”

Rey had to agree. In addition to its otherworldly sucking abilities, the “Clitoral Sucking Vibrator, G Spot Clit Dildo Vibrators Waterproof, Rechargeable Clitoris Stimulator with 10 Suction & Vibration Patterns Sex Toys for Women (Purple)” was the best matchmaker a girl could ask for.

**Author's Note:**

> And thus concludes my ode to the best sex toy ever. Can I vouch for its effectiveness? Well, Ben Solo didn't kick down my door after using it, but... yes. 10/10. Would recommend. 👌👍🎆😍🍾✨
> 
> [Here's the link, for those who want to purchase.](https://www.tracysdog.com/product-page/clitoral-sucking-vibrator-with-clitoris-sucker-and-g-spot-stimulation) Pretty sure 90% of the Reylo fandom owns it at this point.
> 
> ALL HAIL THE FAINTING GOAT TOY.


End file.
